The Ultimate "Uno! Dos! Tre" Rant: One and Done

Green Day

Hello Nimrods! Welcome back to another one of my rants on this goddamn clusterfuck we call the Internet.

Tonight I’m drinking coffee from my Green Day mug that says “Kill the DJ” on it to fit tonight’s theme. As you can see in the picture my most favorite band in the whole world are Straight Outta Berkeley but I myself however am straight outta fucks to give. You see...with less than two weeks to go until the release of “Revolution Radio” on October 7th, 2016, I thought it’d be a good way to get pumped for the band’s new era by remembering the last one and what contributed to its downfall. Tonight’s rant doesn’t involve me critiquing the band themselves, their music or even their personal struggles. I in fact will go after these so-called ‘fans’, haters, the label’s poor marketing strategies and rip them a new one.

The Very Beginning:

Back in 2012 it was announced that Green Day were going to be releasing three records called “Uno! Dos! Tre” all released within a couple of months apart from each other. At first I thought it was a joke until some very gracious fans pointed me in the right direction to the official website where I saw it posted. As always, I was excited for their next endeavor and even more psyched to know it was going to be their most ambitious effort yet. That’s something I’ve always loved about them is their fearlessness when it comes to dreaming up big ideas and putting them into fusion.

Nimrod God and I saw Green Day twice: "American Idiot" and "21st Century Breakdown" eras. Two quality ass tours, however, their lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong began experiencing a few problems with what we later found out to be alcoholism and addiction to prescription pills. In all honesty, what rock star doesn’t have their own hang ups, am I right? Nod your head because you know that I am.

Three years later when it came time to release “Uno!” Armstrong had a meltdown onstage at the iHeart Radio festival when the band’s time was cut short to make way for r&b artist Usher. All plans to release the said albums were then rushed one after the other to makeup for the tour being canceled; many fans were told they’d receive refunds for the tickets purchased and whatnot.

The Downward Spiral:

I remember being devastated at the news, not just because the guys never announced our state of Florida on their tour roster, but because poor Billie Joe was admitted into rehab not long after. Of course along with Armstrong, their bassist Mike Dirnt’s wife Brittney Cade Pritchard also had her own health issues to deal with as she was struck with breast cancer. As if two valuable individuals to the Green family weren’t enough, their backup guitarist Jason White was also diagnosed with tonsil cancer….while although it all sounds heartbreaking - and it is - that’s nothing compared to the absolute assbomb that contributed to this album getting massively shit on.

Since the topic refers to three albums, I thought it’d be wise to break this down into three key topic points of discussion in which I’ll be explaining the ABC’s of this epically failed chapter in Green Day’s history. This PSA is all brought to you by fake fans, haters and over the top marketing strategies by their record label:

Uno!

Yes, I’m going to talk about the so-called fans….the Idiot Army reacted irrationally when they should’ve come together in support of their rock gods. This did not happen, so instead - the “trilogy” as it’s often referred to by these same fake fans - suffered a chance at being a top bestseller. All throughout my social media pages lots of ‘fans’ were saying how ‘embarrassing’ Armstrong’s meltdown was to them, and as you would’ve guessed, they all packed up their shit to go elsewhere - I assume it also put off any new fans who found out about Green Day thanks to the singles “Kill the DJ” and “Oh Love”. I even think a few of those were left over from the last two previous eras.

Sorry to say, losers! You can’t just pretend to love a band when they make you look good. That’s not how any of this artist to fan relationship works - at all! I swear to God they’re every bit as unpleasant and obnoxious as the fuckers I grew up with during the 90’s when the vast majority of the population got out their cum rags every time they orgasmed listening to "Dookie" on the radio or TV; thank fuck I was only a child and never gave a fuck about trends - I still don’t. Yes, I know I’m old. No, I don’t care what you think about my age...that’s another discussion in itself.

Dos!

That last paragraph leads me to my second point and that’s the subject of haters who we’re forced to share our wonderful world with and who remain active even still today.

This week a track called “Still Breathing” from Rev Rad leaked onto the overpopulated landfill called the Interwebz. Once in awhile I like to look at comments on social media because I find stupidity so incredibly entertaining to say the least. Lo and behold, what’s one of the first comments I see besides how much a few people thought the song was great? You guessed it, “This sucks. Bring back the sound of the trilogy.” 

Don’t get me wrong, everyone can like whatever the fuck they want and I really do mean that! You do you, bubu! Jesus of Suburbia titty fucking Christ Almighty! Right as the first new single of 2016 called “Bang Bang” dropped I personally knew that some asshat would be pining for the sound of this trilogy. Let’s take a short quiz as to why this might be: Is it A.) You genuinely liked it? B.) You genuinely dislike whenever a band - any band -tries anything new instead of repeating tired out formulas? C.) You just hate anything Green Day do regardless if it’s good or bad? If you answered either B or C, you are a certified douchebag.

Tre!

The last piece of the puzzle left is the weak ass marketing strategies used by the record label to push “UDT” farther up the charts. I know this is going to piss some people off for sure!

I remember being at dinner with Nimrod God one night when he told me Billie Joe would be on The Voice sometime after the band’s shenanigans took place. I also clearly told him I’m not going to watch that show with their fake ass hosts and their fake ass talent promoting fake ass pop music. I think even Billie himself said that no one knew he was even the lead vocalist and primary songwriter in Green Day - these contestants hadn’t even heard of his band and they’re trying to make it in the music industry? Not only do I feel sorry for him spazzing out in front of everyone at iHeart on a global level, and undergoing rehab but now he has to deal with these no talent slugs.

There’s also something else which the label did which I found bizarre: the whole Angry Birds bullshit - I don’t even know what the fuck that was about because it had little to nothing to do with music. The only upside I can see coming from this is allowing their videos for the singles “Stray Heart”, “The Forgotten” and others to be manipulated in a much more creative light than just showcasing the band singing and playing. I wouldn’t know if it played on the radio or not because I turned that shit off along with the television a long time ago.

Conclusion:

Overall, going into this new era with “Revolution Radio” I hope this album gets all the attention it deserves in a more positive light than the previous one. Armstrong recently went on record saying: “Those records have absolutely no direction to them. It was about being prolific for the sake of it. So we were just going and going and going.”  I also hope Billie Joe stops being so hard on himself when he thinks back on the trilogy and hopefully one day creates another one.

Given the nature of this rant there may or may not be a 400 car pile up somewhere either in the comments below, Twitter or Facebook, and no, roadside assistance will not help you!